Carousel – open rehearsals – fourth night

What I write here does not intend to offend or to please anyone. These paragraphs are just my pure raw perception on everything I noticed and  felt during the open rehearsals I bought tickets to watch at Bulandra Theater from Bucharest.

Since the first day of the rehearsals I have the picture of director on my working desk, which is actually the cover of his autobiographical book. If I want to find out how were tonight’s previews I just look at that picture. In four says that picture looked different to me, a sign that my perspective toward his latest work from Bulandra Theater changed from one preview to another.  One day he looked sad, one day angry, one day content, one day he looked content, when in reality that picture shows him  with his arms crossed smiling. The fact that I keep seeing that picture with a different face expression is a sign that every reality is an interpretation of our minds, feelings and moods. What a cruel truth… Reality seems to be this sort of insivible cage built by our own perceptions; a cage that both protects us and confines us…If I step out of this cage I am another person…Only an actor can be another person or many at the same time. I am not an actor. I am just someone who loves theater and all the work envolved to create this passing miracle called show.

As I stepped into the theater foyer, what I saw stunned me. The show started with happy songs and actors started to dance with the audiene.  The actor who is playing the leading male role was singing with such a strength, so loud and clear, such wonderful French and Italian songs, everyone was charmed to take part of the Carousel welcoming. The strength I felt while just listening to him singing almost broke my heart… I could not wonder if this is the condition of the theater actor to do his job no matter what? Doesn’t anybody care for their health to be in a good state? Today more than in any other day, my respect for the actors involved in the Carousel project  has doubled. Why? Because the energy that they invested in doing those dance steps, singing those songs, interpreting those hard lines, creating that skin peeling story, that energy they will never recover. I really don’t know how the efforts of being a theater actor can be rewarded. Yes, today’s preview was the most successful one. The audience gave a 6 minute round of applause, then they returned to their daily routine.

I have done over 100 interviews with Romanian theater actors and I still did not find out how they do it. Theater actors must be these celestial beings that were sent to Earth to carress our broken hearts with supernatural forces. And I respect and admire that.

I will see the show again today and I pray it works out well for everyone.  I wish each spectator took his or her time to think about  the sacrifices an actor has to do in order to perform and then become judgemental about a theater perfomance. The words of someone very special to me come into my mind right now  – Actors must be some tortured people. If they are really tortured, then they have a hell of a way of hiding it through their roles.

Support the actors’ work by going to see their shows.

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